Unneccesary Deaths: Mind-boggling

 Yes, Unnecessary Deaths

Am I referring to homicides? Am I referring to the slaughtering of young children in Newtown? No, I’m referring to military personnel who take their own lives…..suicides. Leon Panetta, Secretary of Defense calls it an epidemic. The pentagon reports 349 deaths by suicide among service men and woman during 2012. Yes, that’s almost one per day. Meanwhile 295 were killed in combat. In 2011 there were 301 suicides. Looking back to 2009 there were 310. This is not a new phenomenon but a growing one. In 2005 there were approximately half as many. What’s going on here?

I can’t forget, after many years as a therapist, the devastation experienced by the families of individuals who commit suicide. There are also the friends, fellow service men and woman who are impacted. The sense of loss and guilt is carried for the rest of their lives and it puts them at higher risk of suicide themselves. The impact of one suicide can be like a life-long tsunami of emotion for the survivors. Let’s not forget them. 

According to a suicide researcher quoted by the CBS News these suicides take place among two primary groups. The first are the war veterans who are suffering from depression, PTSD and with substance abuse issues. Stress, guns and alcohol constitute a dangerous mixture. The second group is made up of those who haven’t gone to war but have troubled lives with unhappy marriages, divorces and other personal problems. Sixty percent of the reported suicides were by firearms, most of them personal firearms not military.

The rate of suicide among military personnel may not be any higher than for the general population but both rates are inexcusably high. Mental health services must be more readily accessible and less stigmatizing. And we could stop senseless wars. There is much more we could be doing to preserve valuable lives.

What do you think?

Stan the Man

Therapists Beware

Therapists Beware

Please, please if you are a therapist do not talk about your cases in a public place. I overheard a man talking loudly in a public place just the other day. He said, “I’ve been a therapist for thirty years and I’ve never seen a couple like this. They are bad, I’m telling you, they are something else.” His statements were accompanied by loud laughter from both him and the person to whom he was giving the confidential information.

That wasn’t the end of it but I’m not going to write the details of the therapist’s discourse on that poor couple. Why not? Confidential information was being shared. It was inappropriate, unethical and degrading to his clients. I will not be party to passing it on through my blog.

Granted he didn’t mention names. But how did he know I wasn’t a friend or relative of the couple he spoke about? If I had been, he provided enough detail to allow me to recognize who he was talking about. It was a total violation of confidentiality. This type of disgusting behavior is mind-boggling and only serves to give all therapists a bad name. How would anyone seeing a therapist feel if they had a suspicion that their therapist would talk like that in a public place?

During my 30 years of practicing therapy and supervising therapists I always stressed confidentiality. It is sometimes difficult but it is a key factor in building trust. Please be careful. Keep quiet.

Stan the Man

Relentless

Mind-boggling but relentless: We hear repeatedly these days that America is overweight. We are obese. We need to eat better, exercise more and we will live longer with an improved quality of life. I personally have never counted myself among the populous that fits either the obese or overweight categories although I admit I have been marginal on a couple of occasions during certain trying episodes of my life. With my years adding up, I do understand I need to work harder at being in shape. My trainer tells me with age we lose muscle, flexibility and balance leading to many of the health problems of older Americans. Therefore I have joined a gym and yes, I have engaged a personal trainer twice a week. I find that mind-boggling in itself.

The gym is what one might say is over the top. It is a beautiful facility with everything anyone could want. Tennis, basketball, swimming, cardiovascular and weight training equipment, Jacuzzis, spinning, and on and on are all there. You can’t imagine. And they have their own restaurant with healthy food (with some exceptions). It’s all there.

The mind-boggling thing to me is what goes on in the parking lot. It is a very large parking lot and probably equal to most city blocks. Mind you, people come to work-out here, to get into or stay in shape. They want exercise. But they are relentless in their efforts to secure the parking spot closest to the entrance to the gym. They drive around and around waiting for a spot to open up that is a couple or three rows closer to that entrance. To me it is mind-boggling and comical to watch these BMWs, Mercedes, Lexus and Jaguars cruising the parking lot relentlessly looking for that coveted parking spot. These drivers just don’t seem to want to walk any further than they absolutely have to in order to get on the treadmill and do their 2 or 3 miles.

Other gym members don’t bother with the driving “exercise”. No, they simply pull up to the Valet spot directly in front of the main entrance, give a wave and the young guy who is the valet is right there to take care of the fancy car. The car owner is only a few steps from the treadmill.

Maybe it’s just me but I have always felt that by parking a block away or in the far end of a parking lot and walking to my destination I would stay in better shape and not gain weight. Likewise, taking stairs rather than using the elevator helps. In my office I was the one who roamed around. I would rather walk down the hall to have a discussion than send an e-mail. I always walk, or better said, pace, when on the telephone. It just came out somewhere recently that exercising for an hour and then sitting at a desk all day is as bad as smoking cigarettes. Sitting is apparently one of the worst things we can do for our health. That means sitting in cars driving around a parking lot as well as anywhere else. I stand as much as possible when working. At conferences I like to be the one standing in the back of the room. All these little things can make a huge difference in your life. Of course, I do have to admit, I am sitting to type this so I’m not always doing as I suggest. I do keep reminding myself to be relentless about moving, moving, standing and moving some more.

A big portion of America’s health care costs go to remediate, control and minimize the maladies caused by poor diet and lack of exercise. Okay enough of this, I need to get up off my butt and go for a walk.

Stan the Man