Love Those Bookstores

It is mind-boggling what I keep hearing about books and bookstores. They will soon be historical artifacts. E-books and e-readers will run them out of business. I know there are some signs of such a change such as Borders closing although I don’t know why that happened since Amazon and Barnes and Noble seem to be doing well selling books in all forms on-line. Then Barnes and Noble announced they are closing a bunch of stores this year. Barnes and Noble is a good fall-back bookstore when you can’t find an independent bookstore. We have two of them within 5 miles of where we live. I doubt whether both will survive.

The real bookstores, the local, independents, are the great finds. Most of them are aged, that is they’ve been around for some time. Each maintains a feel, almost a culture unique to that one store. When I move, one of the first things I do is hunt for these kinds of stores. I’ve been on the hunt in the San Francisco Bay area for several months now with some success. I’m sure I have only scratched the surface of all bookstores but I have found some gems. In the Bay Area there is a huge population of readers to serve which means lots of book stores.

One bookstore I have enjoyed is City Lights www.citylights.com. They are a landmark independent bookstore and publisher. The store specializes in world literature, the arts and progressive politics. Located in a funky old building just outside of China Town in San Francisco, City Lights provides my kind of environment. It was a great place to hang out in the 60s and still is.

Searching the southern end of the Bay I came upon another fun and historical bookstore, Kepler’s www.keplers.com. This store is in Menlo Park, right next to Palo Alto and Stanford University. It has been a literary meeting place since 1953 and in the sixties became a central point of counterculture activity. The Grateful Dead and Joan Baez performed there during that era. The store closed in August of 2005 but in response to community demonstrations to bring it back to life, it re-opened in October of that year.

Further down the Bay in the City of Mountain View there are two bookstores worthy of mention. The first is East West www.eastwest.com. This bookstore is focused on metaphysical books and products. Books range from Zen to meditation and other Far Eastern subject matter. Products include such items as crystals, Tibetan Healing Bowls and much more. It is a very relaxing and welcoming store to browse and enjoy.

Across the street is a mind-boggling bookstore. BookBuyers www.bookbuyers.com is a store with so many shelves of used books that you could get lost in there and never find your way out. I don’t know how many but seems like they must have a million books. All types, all subjects. Where do they get them? They buy them from people like me and you. It’s a store that buys from customers and pays in credits towards more books for the customers. From 20-60% of retail value is given in store credit. They also offer cash for books in high demand. Fun idea and works well for the person who goes through a lot of books and doesn’t move very often.

My bottom line is that if you care about books and their survival then I urge you to go looking and you will find interesting, independent bookstores. Sometimes you have to search but they are out there and I’m betting they will be for a long time. I will be doing my best to support them.

Stan the Man

Unneccesary Deaths: Mind-boggling

 Yes, Unnecessary Deaths

Am I referring to homicides? Am I referring to the slaughtering of young children in Newtown? No, I’m referring to military personnel who take their own lives…..suicides. Leon Panetta, Secretary of Defense calls it an epidemic. The pentagon reports 349 deaths by suicide among service men and woman during 2012. Yes, that’s almost one per day. Meanwhile 295 were killed in combat. In 2011 there were 301 suicides. Looking back to 2009 there were 310. This is not a new phenomenon but a growing one. In 2005 there were approximately half as many. What’s going on here?

I can’t forget, after many years as a therapist, the devastation experienced by the families of individuals who commit suicide. There are also the friends, fellow service men and woman who are impacted. The sense of loss and guilt is carried for the rest of their lives and it puts them at higher risk of suicide themselves. The impact of one suicide can be like a life-long tsunami of emotion for the survivors. Let’s not forget them. 

According to a suicide researcher quoted by the CBS News these suicides take place among two primary groups. The first are the war veterans who are suffering from depression, PTSD and with substance abuse issues. Stress, guns and alcohol constitute a dangerous mixture. The second group is made up of those who haven’t gone to war but have troubled lives with unhappy marriages, divorces and other personal problems. Sixty percent of the reported suicides were by firearms, most of them personal firearms not military.

The rate of suicide among military personnel may not be any higher than for the general population but both rates are inexcusably high. Mental health services must be more readily accessible and less stigmatizing. And we could stop senseless wars. There is much more we could be doing to preserve valuable lives.

What do you think?

Stan the Man

Therapists Beware

Therapists Beware

Please, please if you are a therapist do not talk about your cases in a public place. I overheard a man talking loudly in a public place just the other day. He said, “I’ve been a therapist for thirty years and I’ve never seen a couple like this. They are bad, I’m telling you, they are something else.” His statements were accompanied by loud laughter from both him and the person to whom he was giving the confidential information.

That wasn’t the end of it but I’m not going to write the details of the therapist’s discourse on that poor couple. Why not? Confidential information was being shared. It was inappropriate, unethical and degrading to his clients. I will not be party to passing it on through my blog.

Granted he didn’t mention names. But how did he know I wasn’t a friend or relative of the couple he spoke about? If I had been, he provided enough detail to allow me to recognize who he was talking about. It was a total violation of confidentiality. This type of disgusting behavior is mind-boggling and only serves to give all therapists a bad name. How would anyone seeing a therapist feel if they had a suspicion that their therapist would talk like that in a public place?

During my 30 years of practicing therapy and supervising therapists I always stressed confidentiality. It is sometimes difficult but it is a key factor in building trust. Please be careful. Keep quiet.

Stan the Man

Relentless

Mind-boggling but relentless: We hear repeatedly these days that America is overweight. We are obese. We need to eat better, exercise more and we will live longer with an improved quality of life. I personally have never counted myself among the populous that fits either the obese or overweight categories although I admit I have been marginal on a couple of occasions during certain trying episodes of my life. With my years adding up, I do understand I need to work harder at being in shape. My trainer tells me with age we lose muscle, flexibility and balance leading to many of the health problems of older Americans. Therefore I have joined a gym and yes, I have engaged a personal trainer twice a week. I find that mind-boggling in itself.

The gym is what one might say is over the top. It is a beautiful facility with everything anyone could want. Tennis, basketball, swimming, cardiovascular and weight training equipment, Jacuzzis, spinning, and on and on are all there. You can’t imagine. And they have their own restaurant with healthy food (with some exceptions). It’s all there.

The mind-boggling thing to me is what goes on in the parking lot. It is a very large parking lot and probably equal to most city blocks. Mind you, people come to work-out here, to get into or stay in shape. They want exercise. But they are relentless in their efforts to secure the parking spot closest to the entrance to the gym. They drive around and around waiting for a spot to open up that is a couple or three rows closer to that entrance. To me it is mind-boggling and comical to watch these BMWs, Mercedes, Lexus and Jaguars cruising the parking lot relentlessly looking for that coveted parking spot. These drivers just don’t seem to want to walk any further than they absolutely have to in order to get on the treadmill and do their 2 or 3 miles.

Other gym members don’t bother with the driving “exercise”. No, they simply pull up to the Valet spot directly in front of the main entrance, give a wave and the young guy who is the valet is right there to take care of the fancy car. The car owner is only a few steps from the treadmill.

Maybe it’s just me but I have always felt that by parking a block away or in the far end of a parking lot and walking to my destination I would stay in better shape and not gain weight. Likewise, taking stairs rather than using the elevator helps. In my office I was the one who roamed around. I would rather walk down the hall to have a discussion than send an e-mail. I always walk, or better said, pace, when on the telephone. It just came out somewhere recently that exercising for an hour and then sitting at a desk all day is as bad as smoking cigarettes. Sitting is apparently one of the worst things we can do for our health. That means sitting in cars driving around a parking lot as well as anywhere else. I stand as much as possible when working. At conferences I like to be the one standing in the back of the room. All these little things can make a huge difference in your life. Of course, I do have to admit, I am sitting to type this so I’m not always doing as I suggest. I do keep reminding myself to be relentless about moving, moving, standing and moving some more.

A big portion of America’s health care costs go to remediate, control and minimize the maladies caused by poor diet and lack of exercise. Okay enough of this, I need to get up off my butt and go for a walk.

Stan the Man

   

Death: A mind-boggling transition

I find that it’s a whole new and different feeling when your parents are gone. I lacked a father for six years. He died after suffering from Alzheimer’s for several years so he was lost to me before his death. Last month, my mother passed away suddenly. She was 92 years old and wanted to die for some time. Her prayers were finally answered. For several years before her death she became a different woman than the mother I knew. I lost both of my parents, to some degree, before their actual deaths but of course they were breathing, alive and required attention.

Now they are both deceased, passed away (terms we use to soften the word dead). They have been cremated, their ashes placed in identical urns and buried in a small town cemetery in Washington State. They are really gone. They are not of this earth. Where they are I do not know and I may never know.

  I do know that I feel more alone on this earth. Even when my relationship with my parents was conflicted, (usually over politics) their presence provided a sense of continuity and kept my fear of death in the distance. Now I am next in line, the oldest of three siblings. I’m the next in line for death, with no generational barricade between me and my certain demise. I can no longer delude myself. Each day I become more aware of my aloneness, wandering in the world without a living older generation to protect me. I now must rely more on my own resources and those of my fellow generational partners such as my wife, siblings and friends. I would include my sons here but I hope they will never have to take care of me. 

Like many things in my life the death of parents is multi-dimensional. Not only is it a loss which leaves me feeling more vulnerable and alone but it brings a new feeling of freedom. Even as I approached my seventh decade I shaped my behavior, beliefs and interactions in ways that I thought would please them. Sometimes this was purposeful, out of respect for them. Other times my adjustments were more subtle and entered my awareness only later. Yes, I have no doubt that their ways, their examples, their beliefs will always influence me but now, probably being next to die, I feel more free to become myself. And I must hurry. Life is a journey of self discovery. That journey and the discoveries that will be involved will become more intense and wide ranging than ever before. I hope to survive long enough to  complete the major parts of my life journey. Perhaps we can never feel finished until the journey ends on our death bed but I want to know I did my best. Life is multi-layered and each time we go one layer deeper we find another layer to struggle through. What a mind-boggling privilege each moment of life is.

Stan the Man

A Sad Loss

My mother passed away last week. She was a great lady in many ways. She will be sorely missed by me and many others. Following is her obituary:

   Nina Alice Baxter passed away suddenly on November 14, 2012. Her health declined during the last few years necessitating the sale of her home in South Everett which was difficult for her. She hated giving up her independence and opportunity to take care of others. Since that time she lived in Garden Court Retirement Center, Sunrise View Retirement Villa and recently had moved to Home Care Adult Family Home all in South Everett. The family wishes to extend thanks to staff and new friends who provided Nina with support at those facilities.

    Nina was born to Charles Ernest and Rachael Birch in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on July 2, 1920. She experienced the Depression with her family. Her father lost his job and the family became farmers. Nina was always proud of being the “hired hand” as she drove a team of horses for cultivating and raking.

   She married Louis Baxter, her husband of 64 years on September 8, 1942. He passed away April 24, 2006. Nina was a wife, mother, housewife and partner with Louis as they ran Woods Creek Poultry Farm near Sultan. In her later life she secured a nursing degree and worked as a RN at Providence Hospital and Bethany Nursing until her retirement in 1985.

   Nina was artistic and especially enjoyed working with stained glass and was an expert at knitting. She provided stained glass lamps and other items along with sweaters and afghans for family members. Nina was also talented musically and served as organist/pianist for the Sultan Community United Methodist Church for a number of years.

She and Louis were always a generous, giving couple. They opened their home to 21 different foster children and provided a nurturing, supportive environment when it was needed. Along with Louis, Nina volunteered at World Concern for twelve years. They were likewise generous financially making regular donations to World Concerns, World Vision, their church and many other worthy causes. In addition many neighbors, friends and family received care, support, gifts and wonderful meals prepared by Nina.

After their retirement, Nina and Louis joined Mobile Missionaries Assistance Program. For six years they traveled in their RV and worked as volunteers in Mexico at orphanages, with the Papago Indians in AZ and many other locations throughout the U.S. and Canada. They also took time out to climb Mt. Olympus one summer. Their travels included the British Isles, Hawaii and Wisconsin, their home state.

Nina was preceded in death by Louis her husband, her sister Lucille Jones and her brother Bobby who passed away at age 5.

She is survived by her daughter Mary Baxter of Kent, her sons Stan (Kathe) of Redwood City, CA and James (Gail) of Everett, granddaughter Michelle, grandson Tracy  both of Portland, Todd Baxter (Joy) of Sammamish  and Tim Baxter of Denver, CO, Great Granddaughters Kate and Jill Baxter of Samammish.

She is also survived by numerous nieces and nephews.

Cremation is by Purdy and Kerr in Monroe.

A graveside gathering will be held at the Sultan Cemetery on December 1, 2012 at 11:00AM followed by a reception at 11:30 at the Sultan Community United Methodist Church at 212 Birch Street.

  

Mind-boggling Resort

Serena del Mar: Mind-boggling Resort in Cabo San Lucas.

Can you picture a quiet serene getaway in the midst of the noise and chaos of one of those major Mexican Resort Cities? I could not imagine that so our arrival at Serena del Mar was a pleasant surprise. Better said, we thought this was over the top, much more than we deserve. We felt out of our element. The staff made sure that didn’t last. From the greeting at the front desk to the service by waiters and bartenders to the concierge’s services, everyone was welcoming, friendly and exceedingly helpful. Every one of the young men and women running the resort had obviously been trained well in hospitality, the English language and much more.  I was a little disappointed by their fluent English since I enjoy speaking Spanish when in Mexico but I did have my opportunities from time to time.

Two infinity swimming pools lay outside our apartment’s door with water at a perfect temperature. The swimmer’s every refreshment need was met from the poolside bar. Whether we sat at poolside to work on our tans or lazily swam in the pools views in all directions were gorgeous. The famous Arch of Cabo San Lucas was visible in the distance. Below us was the surf crashing against the rocky shoreline and providing a small private beach perfect for snorkeling and swimming.

The food at the Serena del Mar was nearly perfect. Great breakfasts made to order, lunches anytime and special themes from seafood to Mexican for dinner. The Mexican dinner buffet was accompanied by Mexican Fiesta dancers in colorful traditional costumes. All meals were served outside, either in the tropical sun or under umbrellas providing needed shade at mid-day. Daytime temperatures during our stay ranged from daily highs of 90 degrees to 75 at night with not a cloud in the sky. For me those are perfect temperatures and conditions.

The accommodations also exceeded our expectations. Our suite with kitchen, living and bedroom opened directly onto an ample deck with a view that one only fantasizes about. The surf below crashing on the rocks lulled us to sleep each night. We prepared our own chicken dinner one night with local chicken and accouterments purchased at Wal-Mart. Yes, that’s correct. There was a Wal-Mart a mile or two down the road. After all many Americans now make their full-time or part-time homes in Cabo these days. They need Wal-Mart I guess.

One afternoon and evening we ventured by taxi to downtown Cabo San Lucas. It had been 30 years since I was last there. What a difference, throngs of people, American tourists, fisherman, lovers and much more. Restaurant after restaurant along the marina waterfront attempted to get our business. Everyone had a Corona or other drink in their possession. It was party town. Cabo was a small fishing village made up of a few dusty streets and a few American expats when I was last there. This was not our scene and we quickly found our way back to peace and serenity at Serena del Mar. Check it out at www.welkresorts.com/cabo-san-lucas.

Stan the Man