Mind-boggling Absence

It’s been a mind-boggling absence. Yes, it has been some time since I wrote here on www.mind-bogglings.blogspot.com. This did not happen for lack of trying. Repeated efforts to post frustrated this writer. The on-line message I got was “error on page” which prompted my messages to Google feedback asking for help. Then recently I got the answer:

A window popped up telling me I may not be able to access some operations unless I upgrade to Chrome, the upgrade to Google’s search engine. I have always preferred Yahoo for my searches of the internet but now I must “upgrade” to Chrome in order to utilize my blog. That’s a great strategy for migrating me to Chrome, huh? It must be working with others also since the September 30, 2013 issue of Time Magazine states that reportedly Chrome is the most popular browser. It takes some time for people like me to catch up I guess. Hopefully I have.Chrome is working good for me.

In the same issue, Time states that Google has announced the formation of a new wholly owned corporation to carry out a brand new endeavor. This new Corporation is called Calico. It is a venture to find ways to extend the human life span. The front page of Time poses the question: Can Google Solve Death? It goes on to say: “That would be crazy-if it weren’t Google.”

Now, extending human life is a mind-boggling goal that I would support 100% and will keep tabs on without fail. After all, I am not a great fan of death.

Stan the Man      

Mind-boggling changes

Change is good, right? It keeps you interested in life. It keeps you on your toes. Creativity can be fueled by change. We are forced to find new ways of dealing with obstacles and problems which we might not have thought of without the impetus of change.

In the hot world of technology it is all about change. Who will come up with the “next big thing”? Whoever comes up with that new software, gadget or app could be the next millionaire or billionaire.

The world of psychotherapy exists to create positive change in those individuals and families that display dysfunctional ways. At the same time therapists and psychology theorists struggle to become the one who invents the new way of doing therapy and writes a book proclaiming it to be the best way yet. Yes, always with the desire to change the way change comes about.

The way our lives revolve around change, rapid change one would think change is the only constant. That may well be true in these modern times. We need to remember however that change has proven to be a negative as well. Research shows that change brings about stress and that the more change one experiences the more likely they are to have a serious illness, alcoholism, drug abuse or personal and interpersonal problems.

Change can be disorienting, it can confuse us, and can keep us from feeling sure about ourselves and our relationships to the world. Yes, there can be too much change in our lives. I am proof of that. Retirement three years ago was a huge change for me. It was followed by living in Seattle, New York City, Indiana, Miami Beach, San Francisco, Redwood City, CA and now in Panama City Beach, FL. How did we get here? I’m not sure how we got here in PCB, FL. Well yes, we drove here from the Bay Area which meant stops in San Diego, Tucson, Fort Stockton, TX, San Antonio, Baton Rouge, LA, and New Orleans. What a trip! We experienced changes in climate, culture, environment and our odometer reading. So here we are in Panama City Beach, FL where they (we) have the most beautiful beaches in the world. My wife has a good job and I’m trying to figure out what to do next. I’m hoping for a period of stability rather than change. I need it.

Stan the Man

On the Road

What mind-boggling things are left behind when departing the San Francisco Bay Area?

-Cold wind and fog. Some famous writer said that the coldest winter he ever experienced was summer in San Francisco. I can vouch for that.

-Sunny days but nearly always with a cold wind blowing

-Traffic beyond belief, always way too many cars on the freeways, arterials, secondary roads and parking lots.

- Angry, competitive drivers. They insist on following one foot off your rear bumper, racing you to the next exit or stop light and they apparently have never heard of courtesy. And they don’t know what a turn signal is for.

- Dangerous pedestrians and bicyclists. You have to look out for them because they pay no attention to you.

- Bleached blonds everywhere.

- Two cities with enormous homicide and violence crime rates, Oakland and San Jose.

- One City with an enormously inflated self image? Hint: It believes the Golden Gate Bridge is the most beautiful, wonderful structure on this earth.

- Trees, grass, flowers all manicured and planted/maintained by landscapers. Real nature is difficult to find.

- Geese, Canadian Geese have taken up residence in these manicured developments. That means watch where you step, it is probably covered with goose droppings.

- Unfriendly, non-social neighbors throughout. It seems everyone either commutes to jobs miles away or works at home. They’re invisible either way.

- An enormous population in the Silicon Valley totally focused on “the next big thing”. Yes technology, the promised-land to invent a new app or some new company that will make them a millionaire.

- My heart….you know the Tony Bennett song, “I left my heart in San Francisco.”

What would I miss? Huh, good question.

Mind-boggling! On the road again…….still looking for paradise.

Stan the Man

Retirement: mind-boggling process

Now is the time to prepare for retirement. Save for the future. Invest now to have a lucrative retirement. I tire of hearing these come-ons, these bits of advice. So often they come from those who will benefit from your efforts to have enough in retirement. My personal experience is that there is so much more to be concerned about as one prepares for retirement. Oh yes, you will need money but that isn’t the only concern.

I retired more than 3 years ago. Money has not been a problem for me since my wife has continued to work. The emotional, the mental, the social adjustments have been monumental. When will that part of retirement preparation be talked about? Money doesn’t take care of everything.

For many years I was totally involved in social services, mental health and related causes. That’s right they were “causes.” Things that I believed in and from me they received total commitment for all those years. I gave blood, sweat and tears. Then, upon retirement I lost my cause, my role in society and in the workplace. And since my retirement involved a move for my wife’s new job assignment I lost all familiar surroundings, friends and acquaintances. I no longer knew my barber, the checkout person at the grocery store or my way around town. I was lost, a stranger in a strange land. Oh yes, I also became a senior citizen…..feeling and looking older each day.

Adjustment to this new life has been difficult. For the most part I have overcome the challenges. Moving from feeling like I lived in a vacuum initially to the stage of chaos and then to a new definition of myself was not easy. There were many other stages of development along the way and I continue the struggle today.

Now I think I would like to design a workshop, develop a website, perhaps write a book about the emotional preparation for retirement and dealing with the unexpected. I don’t know whether anyone else has experienced similar phenomenon when they retired but if so I would like to learn from you and also be a resource. I will begin a search for other resources. I read somewhere that retirement is all about the three g’s: Golf, grandchildren and gossip. I love golf, and my grandchildren although I don’t get enough of either. I can do without the gossip. Well maybe a blog like this one is nothing but gossip. And then there is the 6:00 news. If you have thoughts or experiences around the social-emotional issues of retirement please let me know.

Stan the Man

  

Mind-boggling, Important Information

Revisiting the top regrets of the dying as determined by Bronnie Ware brings us to this one: “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” She states that this one came from every male she nursed. Every one! These days with many more women involved in their own careers I would think that would be true of many women as well. Her website: www.bronnieware.com.

The way I have heard it in the past from another source was, “When on their death bed, no-one ever said, I wish I had spent more time at the office.” I can’t imagine that I would ever say that. I know I spent much more time at the office than I ever wanted but I did it anyway. One of the reasons was the advent of the incredible computers that were supposed to be such time savers. Instead the computer age slowed many processes down. Their implementation, solving on-going problems, dealing with incompatible systems and on and on always took significant more time than the “old fashioned way”. But that’s another story for a future post.

The fact is, many jobs, many professions, do require periods of time when long hours are a necessity. That’s how to get the promotions and increased salaries that we think are needed and wanted. Apparently, however, at the end of our lives’ we don’t think it was worth it. If we could do it all over again, we would spend more time nurturing our relationships with spouses, partners, children, friends and relatives. There are also those work-life balance issues that involve recreation, hobbies etc. Yes, recreation. You know what that is: Golf, fishing, tennis, or whatever you might choose.  

This provides mind-boggling advice for each of us. We now know what dying people name as one of their major regrets. Pay attention to that information and try working a little less. Pay more attention to the important aspects of life. Leave a new kind of legacy for those you care about. Oh, and take better care of yourself at the same time.

Stan the Man

 

Basketball Final Four

Basketball is mind-boggling. I love it. I’m always looking forward to the Big Dance, the NCAA Playoffs, but this year, I must say, I have been disappointed. Not by the quality of play but how little play there is during the broadcast of a game on CBS. Compared to the airtime committed to commercials and the meaningless jawing by commentators like Charles Barkley it is remarkable that they manage to fit any basketball action in at all. Even as much as I love basketball it makes it difficult for me to sit through a game and I haven’t made it several times. Can’t they just show the game? No, obviously not. Programming is not the real reason anything is on TV anymore. Instead programming has become simply a minor consideration that is used as a vehicle for more and more commercials. Remember the Super Bowl? More hype about the commercials than the game.

While I’m on the subject of commercials allow me to blow off some steam about the direction they are moving. It seems that there is hardly a commercial that doesn’t utilize children. What is that about? They are in commercials for AT&T, Honda and many others. Isn’t this exploitation of children? I know what they are probably trying to do is attract children to the product they are selling. They figure if they capture young children they will have them for life. I still think it’s disgusting and qualifies as exploitation of children. It should be outlawed. If they can’t sell it using adults then we shouldn’t buy it. I probably won’t buy it anyway. Another thing: I can’t understand the kids in commercials when they talk anyway.

I will watch the Final Four but I think the mute button will be active. I can probably finish the book I’m reading during the commercials and during the halftime garbage. It’s Stephen King’s 11/22/63, 849 pages.

 Stan the Man

Live Your Own Life

Mind-boggling information, or is it? It does confirm what I have believed for some time. Bronnie Ware, a nurse working with the dying has identified and written a book entitled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. The number one regret was “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life other’s expected of me”. See the other's www.inspirationandchai.com

Yes, we are dominated by the barrage of expectations both overt and covert first from our parents, then from our school experiences. Oh yes and then there are the expectations of the church, the media our supervisors, bosses and on and on. How can we know what a life true to ourselves would be like? How do we separate out what is us, the real us and what we have had inculcated by other’s expectations?  Do we want to wait until we are dying to come to that realization that we never did live our own life or can we change the way we live much sooner in our life span?

The answer for me is that I want to feel I am at least approximating my true life as early in life as possible. I want to be me. This is not at all easy. In fact it takes a good deal of insight, awareness and yes, COURAGE. The first step is to become aware of the inconsistencies in our life. We realize we feel like a fish out of water, we feel stressed all of the time or just look forward to the end of the workday more than anything. Just maybe we are in the wrong career. Our parents were teachers and expected us to be as well so we are making them happy but what about us? Perhaps we are a leader in our church but in our secret life we aren’t even a Believer. There are many other examples of ways we live someone else’s dreams rather than our own.

These kinds of inconsistencies in our lives carry the potential for disaster. Stress, mental illness, physical illness and of course unhappiness may well follow apparently to our death beds.

The second step is to know and identify how and what you want to change. That is a challenge in itself for some of us. Others know clearly they don’t want to teach they want to be a fishing guide. Or they want to play golf on Sunday mornings. Some of us may have to experiment to find that thing that makes us happy, that resonates with our true being. A good dose of self awareness and thoughtfulness may be in order prior to knowing what changes we want and need.

Then comes the courage part. You may disappoint your parents, your pastor or whoever provided you with their expectations to live by. There may be serious fall-out. You will get pressure to not change. You knew that would happen. That’s why you were living their life. But you want to be happy. You don’t want to lie in your death bed and murmur to someone at your bedside, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life other’s expected of me.”

Stan the Man