Death: A mind-boggling transition

I find that it’s a whole new and different feeling when your parents are gone. I lacked a father for six years. He died after suffering from Alzheimer’s for several years so he was lost to me before his death. Last month, my mother passed away suddenly. She was 92 years old and wanted to die for some time. Her prayers were finally answered. For several years before her death she became a different woman than the mother I knew. I lost both of my parents, to some degree, before their actual deaths but of course they were breathing, alive and required attention.

Now they are both deceased, passed away (terms we use to soften the word dead). They have been cremated, their ashes placed in identical urns and buried in a small town cemetery in Washington State. They are really gone. They are not of this earth. Where they are I do not know and I may never know.

  I do know that I feel more alone on this earth. Even when my relationship with my parents was conflicted, (usually over politics) their presence provided a sense of continuity and kept my fear of death in the distance. Now I am next in line, the oldest of three siblings. I’m the next in line for death, with no generational barricade between me and my certain demise. I can no longer delude myself. Each day I become more aware of my aloneness, wandering in the world without a living older generation to protect me. I now must rely more on my own resources and those of my fellow generational partners such as my wife, siblings and friends. I would include my sons here but I hope they will never have to take care of me. 

Like many things in my life the death of parents is multi-dimensional. Not only is it a loss which leaves me feeling more vulnerable and alone but it brings a new feeling of freedom. Even as I approached my seventh decade I shaped my behavior, beliefs and interactions in ways that I thought would please them. Sometimes this was purposeful, out of respect for them. Other times my adjustments were more subtle and entered my awareness only later. Yes, I have no doubt that their ways, their examples, their beliefs will always influence me but now, probably being next to die, I feel more free to become myself. And I must hurry. Life is a journey of self discovery. That journey and the discoveries that will be involved will become more intense and wide ranging than ever before. I hope to survive long enough to  complete the major parts of my life journey. Perhaps we can never feel finished until the journey ends on our death bed but I want to know I did my best. Life is multi-layered and each time we go one layer deeper we find another layer to struggle through. What a mind-boggling privilege each moment of life is.

Stan the Man

A Sad Loss

My mother passed away last week. She was a great lady in many ways. She will be sorely missed by me and many others. Following is her obituary:

   Nina Alice Baxter passed away suddenly on November 14, 2012. Her health declined during the last few years necessitating the sale of her home in South Everett which was difficult for her. She hated giving up her independence and opportunity to take care of others. Since that time she lived in Garden Court Retirement Center, Sunrise View Retirement Villa and recently had moved to Home Care Adult Family Home all in South Everett. The family wishes to extend thanks to staff and new friends who provided Nina with support at those facilities.

    Nina was born to Charles Ernest and Rachael Birch in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on July 2, 1920. She experienced the Depression with her family. Her father lost his job and the family became farmers. Nina was always proud of being the “hired hand” as she drove a team of horses for cultivating and raking.

   She married Louis Baxter, her husband of 64 years on September 8, 1942. He passed away April 24, 2006. Nina was a wife, mother, housewife and partner with Louis as they ran Woods Creek Poultry Farm near Sultan. In her later life she secured a nursing degree and worked as a RN at Providence Hospital and Bethany Nursing until her retirement in 1985.

   Nina was artistic and especially enjoyed working with stained glass and was an expert at knitting. She provided stained glass lamps and other items along with sweaters and afghans for family members. Nina was also talented musically and served as organist/pianist for the Sultan Community United Methodist Church for a number of years.

She and Louis were always a generous, giving couple. They opened their home to 21 different foster children and provided a nurturing, supportive environment when it was needed. Along with Louis, Nina volunteered at World Concern for twelve years. They were likewise generous financially making regular donations to World Concerns, World Vision, their church and many other worthy causes. In addition many neighbors, friends and family received care, support, gifts and wonderful meals prepared by Nina.

After their retirement, Nina and Louis joined Mobile Missionaries Assistance Program. For six years they traveled in their RV and worked as volunteers in Mexico at orphanages, with the Papago Indians in AZ and many other locations throughout the U.S. and Canada. They also took time out to climb Mt. Olympus one summer. Their travels included the British Isles, Hawaii and Wisconsin, their home state.

Nina was preceded in death by Louis her husband, her sister Lucille Jones and her brother Bobby who passed away at age 5.

She is survived by her daughter Mary Baxter of Kent, her sons Stan (Kathe) of Redwood City, CA and James (Gail) of Everett, granddaughter Michelle, grandson Tracy  both of Portland, Todd Baxter (Joy) of Sammamish  and Tim Baxter of Denver, CO, Great Granddaughters Kate and Jill Baxter of Samammish.

She is also survived by numerous nieces and nephews.

Cremation is by Purdy and Kerr in Monroe.

A graveside gathering will be held at the Sultan Cemetery on December 1, 2012 at 11:00AM followed by a reception at 11:30 at the Sultan Community United Methodist Church at 212 Birch Street.

  

Mind-boggling Resort

Serena del Mar: Mind-boggling Resort in Cabo San Lucas.

Can you picture a quiet serene getaway in the midst of the noise and chaos of one of those major Mexican Resort Cities? I could not imagine that so our arrival at Serena del Mar was a pleasant surprise. Better said, we thought this was over the top, much more than we deserve. We felt out of our element. The staff made sure that didn’t last. From the greeting at the front desk to the service by waiters and bartenders to the concierge’s services, everyone was welcoming, friendly and exceedingly helpful. Every one of the young men and women running the resort had obviously been trained well in hospitality, the English language and much more.  I was a little disappointed by their fluent English since I enjoy speaking Spanish when in Mexico but I did have my opportunities from time to time.

Two infinity swimming pools lay outside our apartment’s door with water at a perfect temperature. The swimmer’s every refreshment need was met from the poolside bar. Whether we sat at poolside to work on our tans or lazily swam in the pools views in all directions were gorgeous. The famous Arch of Cabo San Lucas was visible in the distance. Below us was the surf crashing against the rocky shoreline and providing a small private beach perfect for snorkeling and swimming.

The food at the Serena del Mar was nearly perfect. Great breakfasts made to order, lunches anytime and special themes from seafood to Mexican for dinner. The Mexican dinner buffet was accompanied by Mexican Fiesta dancers in colorful traditional costumes. All meals were served outside, either in the tropical sun or under umbrellas providing needed shade at mid-day. Daytime temperatures during our stay ranged from daily highs of 90 degrees to 75 at night with not a cloud in the sky. For me those are perfect temperatures and conditions.

The accommodations also exceeded our expectations. Our suite with kitchen, living and bedroom opened directly onto an ample deck with a view that one only fantasizes about. The surf below crashing on the rocks lulled us to sleep each night. We prepared our own chicken dinner one night with local chicken and accouterments purchased at Wal-Mart. Yes, that’s correct. There was a Wal-Mart a mile or two down the road. After all many Americans now make their full-time or part-time homes in Cabo these days. They need Wal-Mart I guess.

One afternoon and evening we ventured by taxi to downtown Cabo San Lucas. It had been 30 years since I was last there. What a difference, throngs of people, American tourists, fisherman, lovers and much more. Restaurant after restaurant along the marina waterfront attempted to get our business. Everyone had a Corona or other drink in their possession. It was party town. Cabo was a small fishing village made up of a few dusty streets and a few American expats when I was last there. This was not our scene and we quickly found our way back to peace and serenity at Serena del Mar. Check it out at www.welkresorts.com/cabo-san-lucas.

Stan the Man         

Mind-boggling: Invisible People..

Searching for warmer weather and a smaller community we moved from San Francisco to Redwood City, 23 miles down highway 101.  We chose a housing development somewhat separate from Redwood City. It lies along the western shore of San Francisco Bay. It seems there are thousands of houses, apartments and town homes. The estimated population is something over 10,000. Yet I ask myself where all the people have gone.

As I walk about the various neighborhoods I often feel I am alone. I ask myself, “Is this a ghost town?” It is a beautifully landscaped and maintained area, like a park. There are running, walking and biking trails, sidewalks and birds everywhere. Where are the people? It is sunny and around 80 degrees day after day. It hasn’t rained since May. Why aren’t the people out enjoying this environment? My advantage is that it’s mine, all mine. I don’t have to share it.

Many of the homes are waterfront with beautiful patios, decks and porches facing the water. Some have nice furniture, big barbecues and tropical potted plants. Where are the people? I have walked many miles through these park-like neighborhoods. I walk mornings, afternoons, weekends, weekdays and I have never once caught anyone taking advantage of their great waterfront environs. Mind you, not once! Where are all the people? Isn’t this California? You know, the California lifestyle, outdoors in the sunshine and all that. It’s not happening here.

The trails and sidewalks I walked in New York City were an obstacle course as I dodged the throngs. Here there is hardly a soul to say good morning to. Seldom is someone out walking with me. Once in awhile I will see a person on a leash watching a dog doing its constitutional but they don’t look up as I pass. I’m lonely for company. This is not a place to resolve loneliness. Perhaps I am invisible to them.

The mind-boggling questions then are: Where are the people? What are they doing? What keeps them from enjoying the surroundings that they pay the big bucks to own or rent?

I speculate the answer lies in: television, computers, the internet, I-phones and computer games. We are nestled in Silicon Valley (or is it silly con valley) with Oracle headquarters down the street. Perhaps they don’t notice there is an outdoors.

Another speculation is that this really isn’t a community. It is instead, suburbia. Everyone commutes to another part of the Bay Area to work and then back home again. None of my neighbors have spoken to me without me aggressively pursuing them. They just aren’t interested in their neighbors so it’s safer to stay indoors. Most everyone has two car garages with automatic door openers. They walk through the door of their living area into the garage and enter their BMW. Push the button and the door opens and they are gone. This is reversed in the evening. One can begin to understand the invisible nature of the residents. Mind-boggling!

Stan the Man 

The Mind-boggling Healing Power of Books

During my years as a therapist I occasionally ran across a client who welcomed illness. Perhaps it served as an avoidance of something they saw as a worse fate or perhaps a way they could get their emotional needs met. While I understood the function of illness in those lives it never attracted me as a personal strategy. No, instead I employed the opposite strategy. Even when I felt bad I forged ahead. Being sick meant weakness or punishment for a wrong-doing.

Recently I endured a period of illness that I couldn’t ignore. I decided to find a way to utilize the recovery time productively. I went on a mind-boggling reading marathon. Throughout much of that period I enjoyed a one-book-a-day regimen. Daily I experienced a new world, a new genre, a new protagonist. Each story assisted me in my recovery in some small way. I am reminded of the importance of good writing and good story.

My marathon began with James Patterson and his fictional tale called 2^nd Chance. I was attracted to that story because of its setting: San Francisco. Living in the Bay Area would make it more interesting. Now James Patterson is an industry, a formula writer, he has found the formula that sells books and made himself one of the richest writers around. I enjoyed the story and the unexpected twists and turns. Unexpectedly the story’s final scene takes place on the Stanford University Campus which I visited two weeks prior. The bad guy finds his way to the top of the Hoover Tower and begins shooting at people on the ground. When visiting the campus there were no bullets flying and I didn’t go up the Tower but did take photos there and elsewhere. It is still mind-boggling to me that I would find myself on enemy territory. Being a Washington Husky, Stanford was always the enemy. Admittedly they do have a nice Mission style campus but it doesn’t come close to the University of Washington Campus with its Gothic architecture and views of Mt. Rainier.

Next I chose Everyman by Phillip Roth. This is a story I might have avoided if I’d known the subject matter but the author is one of my favorites. Everyman takes place in New York City and New Jersey, two places I became familiar with before moving to Miami and then the Bay Area. Basically, through the story of one man the reader experiences the demise of every man and woman. Retirement from his valued professional life, loss of friends, family and place and ultimately his health. We follow him to his grave. These are all issues we must deal with in our lives. They are inevitable and are current challenges for me: Retirement, isolation, illness and mortality. Mind-boggling! 

I needed something more up-lifting so I turned to an old faithful: Carl Hiaasen. He writes zany, crazy, and sometimes mindless stories set primarily in South Florida. I chose Basket Case. It was an okay read but not quite what I needed. The protagonist in this story sits at the supposed bottom of the newspaper hierarchy. He writes obituaries. Entertaining at least but not exactly what a sick person wants to read.

These were followed by a mind-boggling list of titles:

Nightwoods by Charles Frazier; Charming Billy by Alice McDermott; Aleph by Paulo Coelho; A Morning for Flamingos by James Lee Burke; Thin Air by Robert B. Parker; The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls and Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King.

I could go on. There were more that aren’t coming to mind. The experts say that the more you read the better you will write. After this mind-boggling reading marathon I should improve my writing at least enough to make it to the half-way mark. At the very least, I found a way to utilize a period of illness, now behind me, in a productive way.

Stan the Man

 

 

Mind-boggling Birds of a Feather

We live in the San Francisco Bay Area. Whether one lives in the City itself, the suburbs of the East Bay, the Peninsula suburbs or down south in Silicon Valley it is over developed and crowded. Seven million people are crammed into The Bay Area. The population translates into too many cars attempting to travel the same roads at the same time, scary business. The number one employment is the myriad of technology companies. More and better apps are what they focus on while ignoring the natural beauty and drama happening all around them.

Yes, in spite of all the chaos, the heart of nature in the Bay Area continues to beat. I sit at my desk writing and observing the variety of water fowl from my 10 ft. x 6 ft. window. Daily visits from a variety of feathered friends entertain me as they hunt for the morsels they need to survive. Sometimes they visit simply to stare at me, the weird animal sitting in the window.

Canadian Geese find this to be a safe haven. They graze on succulent green grass. The traffic stops to let them cross the street even when they aren’t in the crosswalk. The honking of the geese serves as our alarm clock at daybreak.

A Black Crowned Night Heron roosts all day in a tree just above my window. When dusk arrives he disappears for the night using his bright red eyes to hunt his prey.

The Snowy Egrets and the Great Egrets prowl the shallows for whatever it is they consider delicacies. At times 4 or 5 of these beautiful white birds are visible from my viewing location.

The huge American White Pelicans keep their distance but are visible in a sizable flock. Telescopic lenses or binoculars bring them up close for viewing. Occasionally a Brown Pelican will circle and plunge just yards from me and capture a fish to fill its belly.

Flocks of Cormorants swim by as they dive and re-surface with breakfast in their beaks. Occasionally one will stand on a rock looking directly at me. It seems I am being offered a hug but I know they are actually simply drying their wings.

This is a sampling of what I have observed. I have much more to learn before I will understand the culture and habits of the birds I live with. They interest me more than any new app.

Stan the Man      

The Violence is Mind-Boggling

Being an idealistic liberal arts student I dropped out of college in 1965 and applied to the Peace Corps. After 4 months of intensive training I found myself in Honduras with the assignment of rural community development. Honduras proved to be one of the poorest countries in Central America. That country experienced repeated revolutions but I was lucky to be there during a stable time. Political stability allowed my work to be fulfilling for me and a number of projects were completed successfully. The best part of the experience became the way the Honduran people embraced me, cared for me and worked with me. That time stands out as one of the best of my life. Recent news reported in the San Francisco Chronicle makes me sad:

Killings have escalated drastically in Honduras as the drug cartels have expanded their presence and an overall climate of lawlessness has emerged. Honduras now has the highest per capita rate of homicide in the world – 87 murders per 100,000 people. The second largest city, San Pedro Sula, has been declared the world’s most violent city. The Chronicle reports the Peace Corps has pulled out the 158 Volunteers working in the country. How many relationships, how many badly needed projects, how many inroads into a peaceful world were dashed by this action that shouldn’t have been necessary?

Honduras has become the preferred route for 84 percent of the US bound cocaine. Crackdowns on drug trafficking in Mexico and the Caribbean pushed the trafficking to Central America. Why do we need all that cocaine in the US? Are people so un-happy they need to be high all the time?

Meanwhile in Aurora, 12 killed and some 70 shot in the movie theatre. In Oakland the number of citizens killed by gunfire has reached beyond 60 for the year. In the heart of the Silicon Valley, San Jose, 2 people found shot to death in their home a couple days ago. Think back to Tucson and the shooting that left Gabby seriously injured and others dead. And the killing goes on in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and many other locations around the world.

What are the reasons for this seemingly senseless violence and killing that goes on and on? I don’t know what happened to my dream of a peaceful world when I joined the Peace Corps. Violence reigns in movies, in digital games, on the evening news and in the newspapers. There is apparently a huge market for drugs in the US that drives that violence. Why is that?

No simple or single answer to my questions exists. I believe we each must do what we can to make this a kinder, more gentle and caring world. Most of us can only do that in our own relationships, whether it is with family, friends, work associates or people on the streets and highways. Every action has ripple effect.

Stan the Man 

Nature in the Bay Area

Apparently there are a mind-boggling number of outdoor attractions in the San Francisco Bay Area. These attractions are of the “Sunday Drive” type and appear in the San Francisco Chronicle every Sunday. The author, Tom Stienstra, provides information on his chosen area along with detailed driving directions. He also writes a column on the outdoors that appears below the Sunday Drive. He’s a good writer, informed and has a sense of humor.

We’ve been reading these articles since our arrival in the Bay Area and finally decided to follow the most recent one. We headed to the Quarry Lakes Regional Recreation Area. The first part of the drive took us across the San Mateo Bridge for the first time. At 7 miles long it is the 25^th longest bridge in the world. It is mind-boggling to me how they can build a bridge that long that is able to handle the approximately 93,000 vehicles that cross the bridge on a typical day. We were glad an earthquake didn’t take place when we were in the middle. Since our arrival in the Bay Area this journey was our first to the East Bay.

Following the directions provided by the article we drove down Interstate 880 then through the suburb city of Union City. According to the directions we should have been arriving at the lakes any time but we continued to drive through heavy residential and business area. Just when we thought we had taken a wrong turn the entrance to the Recreational Area appeared. I must use the term mind-boggling once again. Three lakes, hiking trails, grass and flowers appeared just blocks from the developed areas and the rumbling traffic. There were few humans to be seen at first but the numbers grew. The transition was mind-boggling. These lakes lie nearly in the sun-baked hills of the East Bay but are only a mile or two from San Francisco Bay. Characteristics of desert, mountains and bay-country all co-exist side-by-side. The peace and quiet of the place was interrupted every few minutes by the commuter train, BART whizzing by on the tracks bordering the east side of the recreation area. Another example of the mind-boggling mingling of nature and development.  

It was hot but with a pleasant breeze. We hiked the trail that follows a route around the lakes (2.66 miles) taking our time to observe the variety of birds, vegetation, and people. A dragon boat race was taking place on one lake. The swimming areas became more populated as the day wore on. Bikers, hikers and fishermen did their thing. We enjoyed a beautiful rose garden in full bloom. Our exploration was completed with a picnic lunch sitting on the carpet of green grass under a small shade tree.

For our trip back home we decided to drive around the South end of the Bay, through San Jose where we had never been before. We ended up being lost and wandering about for some time in Silicon Valley until we found a familiar freeway that transported us back home. This was not a wilderness experience by any means. We did decide, however, that utilizing the “Sunday Drives” from Tom Stienstra in the Chronicle will be an excellent way for us to get familiar with all the Bay Area outdoor resources. For more on East Bay Parks go to www.ebparks.org .

Stan the Man

       

A Permanent Home???

It is a mind-boggling new place, the place we now live. Yes, it is intended to be a permanent residence. I think about 5 years is permanent for Katherine and I. For most of our life together we have been gypsies, wanderers who have tried many locations and many challenges. So where is this mind-boggling new “permanent location?” Redwood City, California.

Redwood City is 24 miles south of San Francisco. The claim to fame here is: “Climate Best by  Government Test.” Apparently the U.S. Government gathered weather and climate data for every location on earth for years. In 1925 it was proclaimed that three locations share the title of “best climate on earth.” These locations are the Canary Islands, the African Coast of the Mediterranean and Redwood City. Thus, since that time, “Climate Best by Government Test” has served as Redwood City’s motto. The average high temperature from April through October is 77 degrees and 63 degrees for the balance of the year. The average rainfall is about 20 inches. The sun shines nearly every day.

The home we chose, or more aptly stated, as is often the case, the home that chose us is in an area intersected by a network of waterways off of San Francisco Bay known as Redwood Shores. Our town- home graces the edge of one of those waterways. We have many neighbors but the most interesting are the birds, waterfowl, and wild animals. Resident geese graze on the lawns and obstruct traffic; squirrels scamper up and down trees; jack rabbits sun themselves at the foot of our deck. One morning I watched 2 adult raccoons clamber down a tree outside our window. Another morning a 4 foot gopher snake startled us as we walked on the nearby Bay Trail. My favorite visitors are the long legged Egrets that hunt delicacies as they wade by the window where I sit to write. It is a mind-boggling re-attachment to nature after two years in Manhattan and three months in San Francisco.

Our home grew from 700 square feet in Manhattan and San Francisco to 2000 square feet in Redwood City. New furniture became a necessity. A shopping spree for additional furniture has resulted. Today’s delivery will fill all rooms but one. Oh that’s right, there’s a new computer desk with a hutch in the garage waiting to be assembled. Yuk!

Living in California is a mind-boggling experience for me. Being a Washingtonian I always resented Californians. They invaded or as we said, californicated our beautiful state. They used our freeways, bought property, built houses and taught us the California stop. Now I am one of them. I find most to be friendly, liberal and thoughtful. It does feel strange to be here though. I’m still getting used to seeing the hated garb of Stanford, Cal-Berkley, the 49ers and the Giants instead of the Huskies, Cougars, Seahawks and Mariners. Perhaps I will adjust but then maybe not.

Stan the Man

  

More Mind-Boggling Differences Observed

My recent travels through the deep south of this fine country of ours opened my eyes once again. For my purposes the Deep South wouldn’t include South Florida. It seems to begin around Ocala, Florida as you travel north. Then one is deep into the culture of the Deep South through the Florida Panhandle, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana and a big part of Texas. The folks you meet along the way are, for the most part, about as friendly and helpful as you can find, and seemingly genuine. They aren’t superficial like inhabitants of the Great Northwest, they aren’t self absorbed and angry like New Yorkers. Most of them are not transplants like the populations of many cities. I’ve never met a resident of Miami who was born and raised there, except some second generation Cubanos. Transplants typically bring their own culture and are slow to adopt the culture of their new place of residence.

A large part of the population of the Deep South has been born, raised and never strayed from their locale. I talked to adults who had never been across a state line thirty miles down the highway. Others had never heard of cities at the other end of their own state. You have to figure these folks haven’t been exposed to much in the way of outside ideas. They do watch TV and it seems listen to a lot of radio. I was exposed to their radio programming as I drove through the Deep South. One morning Rush Limbaugh was on four stations at once and another four stations were broadcasting religious programming (I don’t mean church services or music). I’m talking political diatribes similar to Rush. This mode of communication or dare I say education seems to be part of the Deep South culture.

These radio stations, from my perspective, promote ultra-conservative and extreme right views. Fine with me except they dominate the air waves and on a 10 hour drive I can’t find any decent music. Admittedly, I have another issue with the phenomenon. It is always presented as a rant, as a diatribe, as an attack on one liberal or another. The material is presented as if the character on the radio has exclusive access to the truth. Furthermore it is his or her obligation and right to scream at the listener about the subject matter they are preaching on this particular day. I notice two approaches as they carry on loudly: They talk as if the know the facts, as if they have the proof of what they are saying but they don’t bother sharing it with the listeners. And when they do attempt to provide proof it is usually a snippet taken out of context. It might be from some obscure document or newspaper article or perhaps the bible. The message is, “just listen to me and believe. Don’t worry about the details or proof.”

So I drove through the Deep South getting more and more claustophobic. Driving mile after mile on the interstate, feeling separated from the world by a wall of green. Yes, tall green trees. Granted they are beautiful and I’m the first to enjoy nature. But it goes on and on and that’s all you see for miles on end. I got so curious what this wall of green was hiding. Does anyone live out there to listen to these radio stations? The consistent barrage from the radio stations that never seems to change helped promote my claustophobia as well. I was much relieved to reach the desert lands of New Mexico and Arizona with the classic rock stations of university towns like Albuquerque and Flagstaff.

I recognize this post reflects some of my biases. I own them. They are mine.

Stan the Man  

Mind-boggling Steak Opportunity?

My most recent post on this blog promised more story from my 7 day drive from South Florida to Northern California. Where to start? How about here:

I departed La Quinta in Shreveport, Louisiana at 9AM hoping to make it to Amarillo, Texas by the time I drove out of energy. My goal seemed to be in real jeopardy in Dallas. I was lost. Driving the myriad of freeways, express ways and construction sites in and around Dallas I became more and more exasperated and confused. Three times I stopped to ask directions and received opposing opinions. One gas station attendant told me he had never been to Amarillo and had no idea how to get there. Finally, a helpful Pepsi delivery man consulted his smart phone and quickly pointed me in the correct direction. So, I arrived in Amarillo that night at 8PM.

When on the road I try to stay at La Quinta motels since I can earn free nights with earned points. This night I couldn’t locate one and settled for a Comfort Inn right along Interstate 40. Standing at the front desk checking in I looked at the key card given to me. It had emblazoned on it an advertisement for a free 72 ounce steak. From my memory bank came images of several billboards I had seen along the freeway that advertised the same thing. I exclaimed, “Wow, free steak! What’s up with that? And 72 ounces, that’s 4 ½ pounds isn’t it?”

The answer came from a Texan looking blond woman now standing behind me. “It’s not free unless you eat the whole thing,” she informs me. She had apparently driven in behind me and noted my Florida license plate so she added authoritatively, “If you did it you would be the first person from Florida to ever eat the whole thing.”

I have to admit the potential claim to fame enticed me for a moment but I’m not really a big eater or much of a steak eater either. I said, “No way, not me. I’m not even going to give that a try.” She laughed and said, “I don’t blame you.”

It turns out that the Big Texan Steak House and Motel that makes this offer was close by. As the story goes, some years ago a cowboy came into the restaurant and said, “I’m so hungry I could eat the whole cow.” Thus was born the 72 ounce steak challenge. One has to pay $17.95 for the dinner which includes the steak, shrimp, baked potato and salad. If the challenger can successfully eat all of this in one hour or less they get their money refunded. I guess then they can go to the 54 unit AAA rated motel located next door and sleep it off. Several thousand have accomplished this feat. Check out the details at www.bigtexan.com. Like they say, “Everything is big in Texas.”

Stan the Man

http://www.bigtexan.com/

Mind-boggling process of transition once again

Initiating and managing change and transition involves enough knowledge and expertise that at least several books have been written about it. I think I should have written such a book. Everything is changing again. Katherine has accepted an offer to serve as permanent Director of Case Management over four large hospitals in San Francisco. So it looks like a little stability may come into our lives. It also means another transition is underway and so I swing into action.

My initial action was a 6 hour American Airlines flight to Miami, Florida followed by a wild 30 minute taxi ride to our condo in Bal Harbour. Yes, we had planned on living there. We love the climate and the environment but everything has changed once again. My job, to get three bids from moving companies to move all of our worldly possessions to our new home. The process is not much fun but I am a professional at it after all of our moving experiences. North American Van Lines was the winner primarily because they could pick our belongings up on the earliest date.

In the middle of this process close friends Jon and Sonya appeared in Florida on vacation from California. They were a welcome diversion. We spent a great day together after their 4AM arrival. They enjoyed the beach, my favorite restaurant and we had on-going great conversations like always. Too bad Katherine remained back in the Bay Area slaving away. I guess somebody has to work.

After vacillating back and forth I decided to drive our practically new car back to California rather than shipping it. I’m always up for an adventure and a road trip. One hour after the movers were gone and the floors mopped I was on my way. The trip took me through the length and breadth of Florida, across Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, through Dallas and Amarillo in Texas, then on to New Mexico and Arizona and finally California. The trip consumed most of six days and put 3100 miles on the Mazda 3. I arrived safe and well.

It was a mind-boggling trip. Many lasting impressions and experiences of people, cultures, and topography remain with me. I will write about some of them on this blog shortly.

Stan the Man

Mind-boggling Secrets of Vegas

Upon our return to San Francisco from Las Vegas we needed a few groceries. I walked up to Trader Joes our favorite purveyor of groceries in the neighborhood to get something for dinner. As I checked out the chatty checker asked, “Did you find everything you needed?” My response was “Yes and more!” The checker cheerily said, “Yep that’s what makes America work. We don’t know we need it until we see it.”

Immediately that comment took me back to our four days in Las Vegas. That city is full of things we don’t need but Americans as well as international travelers see and buy, buy, buy. Actually, when we gamble most of us have paid good money and get nothing for it except perhaps a few moments of giddy hope. The ads are now saying, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Now I know exactly what they mean. It’s our money that stays when we go home.

I had never been to Las Vegas before except as a stopover to get somewhere else. I won’t be returning. I thought Las Vegas was all about the gambling and giving every visitor to the city at least a chance to go home with some winnings. I was wrong. Instead it’s about high end shopping. Women’s clothes, purses, jewelry and much more are waiting for people to discover they can't live without one or more of those overpriced items. These shops are everywhere, one cannot escape them. Well, that is unless you are a hardened non-shopper like me.

Amongst the shops are a multitude of restaurants. If my memory serves me right one of the attractions use to be cheap food. There were cheap all-you-can-eat buffets attached to every casino. There are still a few buffets in evidence. The standard rate seems to be $44.99 per person. And what about drinks? We ate dinner in a mid-range restaurant at Caesar’s Palace where we were staying. The cheapest glass of wine was $25. That’s a 6 ounce glass not a bottle.

Upon our arrival we ate lunch at an Italian restaurant. That entailed waiting an hour for our pizza and upon inquiring we found that the waiter neglected to turn in the order. Twenty minutes later we were finally satisfying our hunger. Next our room wasn’t ready and we were rewarded with an upgrade to a nicer room for an additional $50 per day. Oh by the way, four days of cold showers with only brief moments of hot water were provided in that upgrade. Another day our lunch of a hot dog and a salad ran us over $28. Okay, okay, you probably get the picture, expensive place with not very good service.

Gambling, of course, is the big thing in Las Vegas. Not being a big gambler, because I don’t like to lose, I am pretty much a wimp. I don’t play Blackjack, roulette, craps, poker or any of those other high stake games. Penny and quarter machines are my speed. I have always been able to win enough to give me some fun until I lose everything I’m willing to put into the machines. This time there was essentially no winning. I would play a quarter and win but winning paid .20 cents. Even as a winner you lose. Enough of that. I assume there were some winners amongst us but I was not their witness.

Now I know, I am not abiding by the rule that Las Vegas is putting out there: What happens in  Vegas stays in Vegas. Now I have a pretty good idea why they don’t want us telling on them.

The other side of the coin is that Las Vegas is “over the top.” It is an American extravagance. I love the desert, the climate and the open skies but it must have taken a miracle to plop this commercial phenomenon down in the middle of the desert and for it to survive and thrive even during difficult economic times. Everything is make-believe, fantasy, unreal. Perhaps that’s the trick.

Katherine the Great and I enjoyed a great dinner together to celebrate our 19^th anniversary. Would you believe we were in Paris half way up the Eiffel Tower? Incredible views, a water ballet across the street, wonderful food and great service contributed to a special evening. I highly recommend experiencing the Las Vegas Eiffel Tower.

A visit to Las Vegas is a mind-boggling experience in many ways. I still haven’t shared most of what happens in Las Vegas so I should be safe.

Stan the Man

 

Mind-boggling Birds and Connections

Remember the Alfred Hitchcock thriller, The Birds? We had a close encounter with those birds last weekend. Staying at the Inn at the Tides in the village of Bodega Bay we discovered this beautiful spot’s claim to fame: The Birds was filmed there. In 2010 the census counted 1077 humans living in Bodega Bay. I think there are more birds and cows than people. Probably more tourists also, judging by the traffic. Pretty Bodega Bay, the rugged Pacific Coast with whales migrating and The Birds seems to be the extent of what the area has to offer.

Okay, there are also several nice resorts and restaurants along with a State Park crammed with RVs. Our stay at the Inn at the Tides was comfortable. Great room, great view and the huge, delicious complimentary breakfast at the waterfront restaurant satiated appetites until dinner. Never having heard of Bodega Bay we jumped at the invitation to escape San Francisco to meet a long lost cousin and his wife for the weekend. Good company, great conversation in a serene environment. Meanwhile, just a few feet away cattle grazed while looking at us with curiosity.

Upon our arrival in Bodega Bay we drive around the Bay to where the waves of the Pacific Ocean crash against the cliffs to discover that whale watching is underway. A short walk along the cliffs and a watchful eye and we have our chance to see a whale migrating north. Always a thrill. The day is sunny, sort-of warm and the wild flowers are decorating the hills. Each time we see ravens, seagulls or any bird we think of the terror of that movie The Birds. But we are safe and un-hurt. 

Back to The Birds. It depicts a massive onslaught of violence by throngs of birds on the people of Bodega Bay. The movie was produced and directed by Alfred Hitchcock in 1963. It introduced Hitchcock’s recent discovery at that time, Tippi Hendren. Rod Taylor was her co-star. Today Tippi, who I had never heard of, is 82 years old. She will make an appearance at Bodega Bay Labor Day weekend. That village is obviously trying to get all of the commercial mileage they can out of this one claim to fame. Tippi has actually appeared in 50 films during her career. One of those was the thriller Marnie. Her co-star in that film was Sean Connery. Today Tippi resides on her game preserve in Acton, CA. She has some 70 animals including lions, tigers and more. She produced a film called Roar in 1981. The film depicts the wild animals of Africa and is considered the most dangerous film ever made. During the filming her daughter was injured by a lion. You’ve probably heard of her daughter: Melanie Griffith.

Another film made in Bodega Bay was The Fog, a horror movie starring Jamie Lee Curtis. After seeing the fog roll in during the evening and hanging over the Bay the next morning I find the fog theme more realistic than the birds. In The Fog a mysterious fog invades the village and creates all kinds of havoc.

Travel continues to be mind-boggling. All the way from Bodega Bay, known for birds and fog, one weekend to the desert of Viva Las Vegas coming up this next weekend. Or is it what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas? We shall see.

Stan the Man

Mind-Boggling Weather Experiences

I think we can safely say the weather lately has been mind-boggling. We arrived in San Francisco in February with expectations of a cold, foggy and damp climate. Instead we experienced warm and sunny weather during our first 4 or 5 weeks in the Bay Area. We enjoyed the weather. It was considerably more comfortable than the icy cold of winter that we left in New York City.

Suddenly everything changed. Snow in the Pacific Northwest, Eighty degree temperature readings throughout the upper Mid-West with New York not lagging far behind. In San Francisco the rains arrived along with cold winds off the Pacific. Fortunately we had planned a trip back to Florida to check on our home there. After flying over thunderstorms and tornados along with torrential flooding rains in the South we arrived safely in Southern Florida to peaceful 82 degree temperatures and lots of sunshine. The Weather Channel showed pictures of a snow storm in Arizona.

Another challenge faced us but we rose to the challenge. We boarded a plane in Miami and flew back to San Francisco. The next day we drove to Sebastopal, CA to attend a “celebration” of the life of a friend who recently died. The drive took place in a steady wind-driven downpour. The rain drove the planned outdoor “celebration” in-doors.

The next morning I boarded still another flight. I found myself in Seattle where I enjoyed a sunny, pleasant Sunday on the lake with my son and two granddaughters. The remainder of my week in Seattle however, was typical of Northwest weather with constant rain, drizzle, wind and chilly temperatures. Meanwhile two feet of new snow accumulated in the nearby Cascades. Come on, the calendar says spring has arrived and it was nearly April. The visit was punctuated by the first leg of my trip back to San Francisco. Seattle to Portland was the scariest flight I have experienced in a long time. The 80 passenger twin engine prop-jet was buffeted violently by turbulence throughout the flight. Later arriving in San Francisco I was greeted by sunshine and calm winds.

The weird weather changes from place to place have been mind-boggling. Put that together with traveling through multiple time zones and the recent “spring ahead” of daylight savings time and my mind is truly boggled.

And the weirdness of climate change goes on. The Weather Channel says 75,000 heat records in the U.S. were broke in March alone. It’s not over yet. The tornado season has struck Texas and other locales with a fury. Global warming is making itself felt. 

Without question it has been a mind-boggling couple of weeks.

Stan the Man

Mind-boggling relationships

Our relationship with Darwin endured for five mind-boggling years. The relationship vacillated from calm seas to conditions approaching the perfect storm and everything in between. Like many relationships the foundation of true love created the glue holding that held us together. It would not last.

Darwin epitomizes greatness. Darwin explored the world sailing the seas on the ship named Beagle. Darwin dared to challenge the universally held views on the origin of species. Darwin became the enemy of Christianity. It makes sense then, that the perfect name for our boat would be Darwin. And hanging at the stern would be a dingy with the name Beagle emblazoned on her for all to see.

Yes, Darwin was our boat, a 34 foot 1978 CHB Trawler. We loved her. She challenged us to learn about navigation, tides, currents, knots along with her own idiosyncrasies. She forced us to face our fears and to work together in ways we never had before. Like a beautiful woman, her physical beauty created the initial attraction. Later discoveries did not always equal her beauty.

I’ve heard it said that the happiest day of a boat owner’s life is the day the deal is closed and she is really yours. They also say, an even happier day is when the sale is closed and you have passed your nemesis on to the next elated new owner. I cannot disagree but to this day we miss our good friend Darwin. I find I’m not the only boatnik.    

Currently I am reading Paul Hendrickson’s book Hemingway’s Boat. Ernest Hemingway was a great writer and adventurer who I have always admired. Unfortunately, he committed suicide 50 years ago. I don’t admire that action but he made the decision to leave his life in that manner. The subtitle of Hendrickson’s book is Everything He Loved in Life, And Lost, 1934-1961. Hemingway’s long-time lover was Pilar, his boat. He shared it with his friends and admirers and many fishing and drinking stories ensued. Deep sea fishing with Pilar in the Gulf Stream between Key West and Cuba was what he loved. This book provides insights into Hemingway, his relationships and his love for his boat.

If you harbor an interest in Hemingway, boats, deep sea fishing and relationships Hemingway’s Boat is a book you will enjoy. The book is well researched with documentation of myths and stories surrounding Hemingway and that portion of his life. Paul Hendrickson won the National Book Critics Circle Award for his previous book Sons of Mississippi.

Now, living in San Francisco I find the boat bug sneaking up on me again. There is water all around us, the Pacific on one side and San Francisco Bay on the opposite side. These waters are full of boats. Marinas are everywhere and I always seem to find myself attracted to them. Looking for a place to live on Craigslist I found a 30 foot live-a-board for rent at the Sausalito Marina. Am I tempted? Yes, but so far I have resisted. But there is a 3 bedroom Houseboat for rent. How about that? It would be mind-boggling to actually live on the water.

Stan the Man  

Mind-Boggling Bookstore Venture

Laptop problems and broken eye glasses nearly halted my writing for a couple weeks but I’m now back and writing from San Francisco. I had been warned about the weather in the Bay Area. Cold, windy and foggy, they said. Not so far. The weather has been pretty much nice or at least acceptable compared to winter in New York City. The weather has allowed for exploration of the southwest corner of the city on foot. Necessary since I lack an automobile. To begin with, I discovered a bookstore, which is something I’m always trying to find in my new neighborhood.

This bookstore, humorous and a little odd, is indication of a business man with a creative mind. It is called ODE Bookstore. A large sign over the front door makes this announcement. The name comes from simply removing a B, R, another R and an S. If you haven’t figured it out the sign used to say BORDERS. This is one of the infamous stores closed when the chain went bankrupt. The new name also indicates to me that it is an ode to books. Yes, real books. Apparently the owner of ODE bought about 40,000 of the remaining books after Borders disappeared. According to the New York Times the cost to the new owner was $50,000. He leased the 35,000 square foot store and is selling the books at huge discounts. Yes, the books tend to be a little out of date and you will need to search but there are great bargains. According to the retail staff the owner plans to buy books from other sources to keep the independent bookstore supplied.

The location seems ideal, adjacent to San Francisco State University, a busy Trader Joe’s and the Stonestreet Mall.

My drop-in visit to the ODE Bookstore resulted in the purchase of two books. Two books I was specifically looking for by two of my favorite authors: Charming Billy by Alice McDermott and If the River Was Whiskey by TC Boyle. The listed prices on the books totaled $28. My actual purchase price was $7.00. I am not complaining. An independent bookstore to replace a failing (apparently) chain store that can sell books of quality for prices like that will continue to get my business. Yeah, it’s not fancy and doesn’t have high priced coffee but what do I care? Hope the ODE to books not only survives but thrives.

Stan the Man    

New York to San Francisco: Mind-Boggling

Our latest transition brings immense change. It is absolutely mind-boggling. Here we are in San Francisco. It is a city in which I have never thought about living. Likewise, it had never entered my mind to live in New York City which we just left a week ago after living there almost three years. I haven’t seen much or experienced much of San Francisco yet but my initial impression is that it is considerably different that New York. Of course, there is only one New York City and one Manhattan in that city.

In comparing San Francisco and New York City statistically we find New York has a population of 8.1 million living in a land area of 302 square miles. This means there are 27,016 New Yorkers living in every square mile. That’s crowded in my book and it felt that way. Meanwhile in San Francisco the population is 805,235 and San Franciscans live in only 46 square miles for a per square mile population of 17,169. It still sounds crowded to me. Actually, these two cities rank first and second in the U.S. in terms of density of population. San Francisco’s physical size is one of the smallest of the larger cities.

The climates of the two cities are decidedly different. New York receives an average of 50 inches of precipitation each year while San Francisco gets only 20 inches. New York’s winters, as I can attest, can be long, cold and snowy. Granted, they haven’t been this year but the last two winters saw single snowfalls of over 20 inches with frigid temperatures.

San Francisco has a reputation of being cold. This has not been true upon our arrival. It has been sunny and around sixty degrees. Of course that isn’t Florida where it is in the 80s but it does allow one to be outside to see the flowers in bloom and the majestic green trees. The trees in New York are currently naked of leaves appearing as dark skeletons against the gray sky. Here I haven’t yet seen a tree without leaves or needles and many shrubs are in bloom. This is early February. We’ve only had a brief glimpse of the famous San Francisco fog. Of course, we haven’t been here a week yet. We have much more to learn and see in the Bay Area.

Of course anyone who follows football will know that the Super Bowl is this coming Sunday. The New York Giants got to the Super Bowl by beating the beloved San Francisco 49ers with a last second field goal. I don’t think anyone in the Bay Area will be rooting for the hated Giants on Sunday.

There will be much more to write about as this latest mind-boggling transition develops.

Stan the Man Baxter        

MInd-boggling change!

I’m searching through my mind attempting to find a recollection of where I might have put the utility bill. I don’t need the bill, just the account number. The digital clock beside the bed says 3:15 AM. Suddenly it comes to me. The needed document must be in the “recently paid bills” file in the four drawer file cabinet. I file that tidbit away in my memory until morning and return to my dreams. Three hours later I’m awake and head directly to the file cabinet. Wait a minute, where is the file cabinet? It has disappeared and with it the much needed document.

The next order of business is to get the morning coffee brewed. In the kitchen I find the same puzzling situation. The coffee maker is gone. It has disappeared along with the file cabinet. Oh well, no coffee maker. There is a coffee shop downstairs. I go down and get a cup of java to drink while I watch “Morning Joe” my favorite morning show on MSNBC. As I walk by the concierge’s desk in the lobby she speaks to me in Spanish. The daytime concierge is from the Dominican Republic and we often have brief exchanges in Spanish. I know she said “buenas dias, como estas esta manana” but she also used a word I didn’t recognize. Back upstairs I reach for the Spanish dictionary to translate her word. My hand grasps nothing but empty space. The dictionary is gone. Oh well, it’s time for Morning Joe. I begin a search for the TV remote. It is nowhere to be found. 

My brain is apparently a little slow capturing the fact that we are in once again in transition. That is we are moving once again. The movers came yesterday and only left a small table and chairs, and a mattress along with Katherine and I. Even with that knowledge my habits persist, expecting things that are gone to be in their familiar places. This is another example of how difficult transitions can be. They essentially disrupt ones equilibrium. It can take some time for the changes to sink in and allow new brain patterns to take over. It is mind-boggling how disconcerting change can be.

We have had many transitions. I don’t know how often we’ve said “This will be the last time.” So far, that hasn’t occurred. Our furniture is on its way to our apartment in Bal Harbour, Florida. We will join it for only a brief time. Why make it simple?  Next we fly to San Francisco where Katherine has taken a new position for six months. Potentially we will spend 6 months in San Francisco in an apartment paid for by Katherine’s employer, return to Florida and rejoin our furniture and then settle down. Hah! We shall see.

Coming up soon will be our initial mind-boggling impressions of San Francisco, perhaps also some after-thoughts of New York City.

Stan the Man

New Year's Resolutions: Mind-boggling Potential

Most everyone I know, including myself, has areas of their lives they would like to change. When New Years comes around the traditional thing to do is make New Year’s Resolutions as an impetus to stimulate the change we desire. I know that we are a few days into the New Year, 2012. But some of you haven’t yet made resolutions for 2012. But it’s not too late. Others have made resolutions and have already become frustrated, overwhelmed and are backsliding.

In my own life and through my work with others I have discovered some principals that can radically improve your chances of experiencing success in changing aspects of your life through these first of the year resolutions. I share those with you below. The Change experienced can be mind-boggling.

 1. Write your resolutions down. Keep the written description of want you want to accomplish in a place where you will be confronted with it regularly. I have found that inside the top of my briefcase or on the first page of my journal work well. Some prefer a more public place like the refrigerator door or on the bathroom mirror.

2. Start by writing the reason you want the change. Most common resolution is to lose weight. Is that to be a good role model for your children or grandchildren or perhaps your employees? Then write that down. Or perhaps you want to be more attractive to the opposite or same gender. Write that down. Do be sure the reason is one you have passion for, one that is important to you. That is necessary to keep your motivational level high throughout the year. Be as specific as possible.

3. Set the goal. Write the number of pounds you want to lose or the increase you want to accomplish in income or whatever your desire might be. Be specific. Be realistic. Make it just a little beyond what you think you can achieve.

4. Now, after you have done steps 2 and 3 above, comes the most important aspect of being successful in reaching your goal. Write the specific things you will need to do to accomplish the goal. For example If you want to lose 20 pounds you will have to work out 5 times a week for 45 minutes at the gym or run 5 miles every day. You may also need to drink one beer a week instead of ten or be sure to eat only salad three times per week. If you want to increase your income you may need to take a class, read certain materials, take on new projects or apply for a higher paying job once per week/month. You will know what’s needed better than me. The important thing is to clearly identify the specific behaviors that are necessary to bring about the change you want. Again, specificity is critical. The more specific you are the more likely you are to do what is needed.

5. Unless you are superhuman you will not be able to change all spheres of your life at one time. Choose a priority or two and stick with those. Don’t overdo it. Five or ten resolutions to work on, at the same time, will probably mean doom for your resolution. Too many resolutions may well be overwhelming and it will be difficult to stay motivated.

6. Remember, there are always unanticipated results which are usually positive. Simply making a serious resolution for 2012 and having any amount of success will increase your self esteem. Your increased self esteem will, in turn, change your behavior in a positive direction. Watch for these results and congratulate yourself for the progress you have made in your life.

Happy New Year and I wish you success in 2012.

Stan the Man